It was 30 minutes before the start of the Toastmasters meeting and I was still sitting on the couch, looking for any reason not to go.

It was Saturday. I was tired. I’d rather go get brunch. Blah blah blah. I was scared.

My girlfriend noticed the time on the clock and asked me if I was still going. I told her I didn’t think so because I just kind of wanted to relax and enjoy my weekend morning.

“Hmmm,” she said as she refilled her coffee. “It’s not like you to be lazy.”

That was all it took. I threw some clothes on, rushed out the door, and came home an hour later with a Best Table Topics trophy. Well, they don’t let you actually leave with the trophy, but still… she knew what she had to say to light that fire under me. I was completely happy to remain cool and calm in my insecurity and fear.

Psychology Today calls it “glossphobia” — the fear of public speaking. But why? Why are we so afraid of performing in front of a group of people? Well, like many things, it starts with our ego. We simply don’t want to be singled out. The thought of being ridiculed, or mocked, and perhaps even exiled out of the group is so paralyzing that we often never even try. Many psychologists believe this comes from a survival instinct established in our minds long ago — when we literally depended on our tribes to survive. Banishment would mean we’d have to face all life’s dangers alone and, most likely, die because of it.

I promised myself to make more of a habit of public speaking, as I wanted to do more of it professionally. It’s even on my goals list that I make at the beginning of each year — to get up in front of people and talk twice a month (and to book two more professional speeches this year).

My business coach/mentor had suggested I try Toastmasters. He’d been going to his club in Santa Monica for years and said it would be a great way to work on my quick-thinking, delivery and execution, and internal timing — all the technical aspects of speaking. He was right. The format allows the other members to give honest critiques after you speak that help you get better each time.

It was interesting to me that I was the only person wanting to do this professionally. Most of the members were “regular” people just trying to get better at what many experts consider a critical communication skill. Almost any business or job can benefit from being a better public speaker and these people were actively working on it every week. I was happy to have joined.

My next goal was to perform at The Monti – a Chapel Hill and Durham-based non-profit that invites people of the community to come tell personal stories. No notes can be used; it’s just simple storytelling. The stories are curated for their main show, but they also offer the StorySLAM – a competitive series that anyone can sign up for.

The StorySLAM concept is simple: a theme is determined a week or two before the show, you create a 5-minute story based off that theme, enter your name in a “hat” before the show, and then hope your name gets called to speak (or secretly hope it doesn’t). Only eight people are selected and a panel of judges scores them on their performance.

I was feeling confident after my Toastmasters experience, plus I had to keep up with my 2018 goals, so I signed up for the next StorySLAM with the theme of “secrets.” I immediately knew which story I wanted to tell.

It had a nice arc (beginning, middle, end), there was a major twist, and it ended on a great line. I felt really good about it. But I didn’t know what to expect from this event.

My girlfriend Maya joined me. She wouldn’t miss it.  Four storytellers had spoken and then they gave us an intermission. I was literally looking for the door. “It was getting late” and “we were already half-way through so they probably wouldn’t call me” and “I had already had a good time.”

I was scared. Again.

I’d been on stage in choir, musicals, play, and speeches throughout my whole childhood, but I still had that voice in the back of my head urging me to run away.

My name got called for the 6th speaker and my heart pounded until I spoke my first word. Then, I let my training take over and I performed the story just as I had practiced it all day.

It was a tough one to tell, but I find that the best way, the only way to really tell stories and connect with your audience is to be authentic and speak from the heart.

The audience and judges felt the same way. I won my first time on The Monti stage.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to practice this skill – even if it’s just for beating down that voice that tell you to run. It gets easier each time and helps you learn how to better connect with people through the art of speaking. But importantly, I think, it helps you connect with yourself.

(Watch my performance on The Monti here!)

Rain Bennett from The Monti on Vimeo.


Pictures via Rain Bennett

Rain Bennett is a two time Emmy-nominated filmmaker, fitness professional, public speaker, and writer. His mission is simple: to help people realize that they too can be great, no matter where they come from or what they start with. It just takes passion, persistence, and a plan.

Bennett directed and produced his first feature length documentary in true indie fashion by traveling the world with only a backpack and a Canon DSLR camera. That film, Raise Up: The World is Our Gym won “Best of the Fest” at the Hip Hop Film Festival NYC and received global distribution through Red Bull Media House. He’s been featured in publications like Men’s Health and Sports Business Global and is a regular contributor to Breaking Muscle. When he’s not making movies or training clients at Sync Studio in Durham, he’s hosting a new webseries called The Perfect Workout Show.