Right as Rain: Parenting in a Pandemic

Tomorrow my daughter turns two years old.

We’ll have a “birthday party” for her — one that includes her, my wife, and me.  If we’re lucky, we’ll successfully coordinate a Zoom video call version of singing “Happy Birthday to You” with other family members.

And she won’t know the difference.

She might not understand why she’s seeing everyone on a computer screen and not in person, but she won’t really “get it.” She might even think it’s funny, or neat, or special for her.

But she won’t understand that it’s because we’re all facing the darkest time we’ve collectively faced in years and maybe decades.  

My wife Maya posted on her Instagram account about this last week, saying “I’m so glad she has no idea what’s going on around her and still sees the world as carefree and easy like it was months ago.”

It’s a little hard to know how to go about this when you have kids at home and are both parents still trying to work.  

Obviously we want to do what’s best for her and reduce the amount of time that she watches her “Baa Baa” — which was originally her favorite nursery rhyme, “Baa Baa, Black Sheep,” but has now come to represent anything on Youtube.  It’s basically her version of soap operas.

But sometimes, it’s hard to know where that line is.  And sometimes, quite honestly, we are just too tired or stressed to combat it. 

We become irritable, short-fused, and impatient. We become so focused on the possibilities of what’s going on and how much of a challenge it is, that we lose the energy to be our best parenting selves.

And that’s okay. 

We need to be forgiving of ourselves.

When I watch my daughter and how oblivious she is to the situation, it makes me realize it’s because at her age she only cares about what is essential. She has everything she needs.

She’s not sad, or stressed, or filled with anxiety and fear about what the future holds and when we might get out of this mess.

Is she hungry? She has food.

Is she cold? She has clothes.

Is she bored? She has toys (and Baa Baa).

Is she loved? She has two parents who, even when she wakes up screaming for them at 4am, are more than happy to sacrifice their sleep to get her a cheese cube or whatever it is she wants.

She’s completely in the present moment.

And though we have much more on her plate than she does, I think we have a lot we can learn from a toddler in this type of situation. 

We’re all confused and scared.  

We’ve been asked to completely alter our lives and lifestyles and have had to sacrifice quite a bit for the greater good of public health.

But if we are among the lucky ones who have our essentials in order, I urge us all to try to be more like a toddler: focus on what we need in the moment and be grateful for what we have.

(Okay, children are terrible at gratitude, I threw that last part in there myself.)

But just like a child can be throwing an irrational tantrum one minute and then laughing and playing the next, we need to be flexible and just take this one moment at a time.

If we find ourselves at the end of our emotional ropes and even slip into a fit, we need to remember that we have everything we need, forgive ourselves, and forget it so we can get back to laughing and playing.

As I’m typing this, my daughter just came into my office to ask for a hug and a kiss.

What more do I need than that?

 

 

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Rain Bennett is a two-time Emmy-nominated filmmaker, writer, and competitive storyteller with over a decade of experience producing documentary films that focus on health and wellness. His mission is simple: to make the world happier and healthier by sharing stories of change.

You can read the rest of “Right as Rain” here, and check back every Wednesday on Chapelboro for a new column!