The last box is on the curb.

The house is empty and cold and dead. Next week it will be full again with other people’s lives. But we can never go back inside again to wander in the bookshelves, closets and attic. We will never smell the smells of hot meals on its stove, of warm, fresh clothes from its laundry room, of flowers from its garden, or of clean sheets mingled in the old blankets on its beds.

It happens to all of us when we move after being in a house for a long time, but when our parents or grandparents move to a smaller home or die, it is more than just moving.

It is clearing out. Clearing out the treasures. And the junk. Deciding what is what. Finding places for these newly orphaned things. Yesterday, they were secure in the loving possession of one whose love and memories surrounded them. Each one had its special place. Each was tied to precious people and events. Out of the house they must now go. And, without the protection of the ones who love them, they will be just things.

Who gets the silver service? Will anybody take this old cup from Niagara Falls? What do we do with this plaque that Dad got? Does anybody want the plate that has a picture of the old church? Who takes the pitcher that brought Mom’s mint-lemon iced tea to the table? Who keeps the bell that brought us to dinner together? Did we really eat supper together every evening?

Who will take the books? The bookshelves in this house were such welcome places. Every book had a story to tell, with some special connection to our family. All the books together were a reflection of my parents and their special interest in ideas and places and people. Books signed by their authors evoke memories of special friendships and connections. Where will those books go? What will the grandchildren say if we give up any of them?

Clean out the closets. Old ties, old dresses. Suddenly Mom thinks that the Mint Museum in Charlotte will be interested in one of her dresses for its collection. She thinks the dressmaker was an artist and that some example of her work should be kept forever. We think that is a crazy idea, but we set aside the dress to humor mom. The Mint Museum was delighted. They wanted the dress. Mom was right again.

Who will take the desk? Who will take the chest? Clear them out first. The letters. The photos. The old catalogs. Canceled checks from many years ago. Tax returns.

There are thousands of photos. How can there be so many? One photo of my father when he was much younger than I am today is indistinguishable from a recent picture of my son. I go into a misty dream that brings him back alive and puts the three of us together as contemporaries and buddies.

Letters. Letters. Letters. My brother settles in with the letters between my parents. Written 50 years ago they described their jobs and the pains of bearing children, moving, living through hard times with optimism, and of loving each other. My brother is moved and cannot be pulled away. But where will these letters be stored? Who will hold them for the grandchildren?

The doorbell rings. He comes in like a character from a Greek play–to bring a conclusion to our own drama. It is the flea market man. He helps us build a pile of our treasures for his bid. “I’ll give you an extra $50 for the old telephone. Maybe I can double my money. Maybe not. Thanks a lot. I have sure enjoyed getting to know you folks.”

And we are finished.

The last box is on the curb.

Now the tears can come.

Note: This column, written more than 30 years ago came back to mind when an old friend, getting ready to retire, described the agony and the joys of clearing out “his stuff.”

 

D.G. Martin hosts “North Carolina Bookwatch,” Sunday at 3:30 p.m. and Tuesday at 5:00 pm on UNC-TV. The program also airs on the North Carolina Channel Tuesday at 8:00 pm and other times.
To view prior programs: http://video.unctv.org/show/nc-bookwatch/episodes/
Related Stories
‹
One on One: When Do We Change Names and History?
Last week the Raleigh City Council removed the historic designation of Wakestone, the former home of Josephus Daniels. That action is just one more reminder of North Carolina’s and the nation’s struggle to find agreement on what people should be honored and what versions of history should be taught in our schools. The unanimous action […]
One on One: Jim Crow Is Still Alive in North Carolina
Unbelievable when you think about it, how North Carolina maintained its segregated and discriminatory racial system for such a long time. The remnants of what is commonly called “Jim Crow” are still with us, a daily reminder of the horrors of the past. A new book, “Jim Crow in North Carolina: The Legislative Program from […]
One on One: Books for Holiday Giving
If you are worried about holiday gifts or selections for your book club’s reading, here are some good North Carolina-connected books to consider. Three beloved North Carolina authors have new books that would be perfect for fiction fans: Allan Gurganus, author of “The Oldest Confederate Widow Tells All,” gives us a crop of his best […]
One on One: Greek and Hebrew Guides to Our Political Differences
How can ancient Greek and Hebrew thinking help us understand why our friends who support other political candidates see things so differently from us? Why are we locked into such different positions? It is dangerous for anyone to try to explain why people support opposing political figures or different political parties or programs. We sometimes […]
One on One: North Carolina's Godfather
Does North Carolina have a godfather? We would not want our godfather to be anything like Mexican Gen. Salvador Cienfuegos Zepeda, who is called “El Padrino,” which means “The Godfather.” Zepeda was arrested last week and charged with helping a drug cartel smuggle thousands of kilograms of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine and marijuana into the United […]
One on One: President Trump and Nicholas Sparks
What do President Donald Trump and the lead character of Nicholas Sparks’ latest book have in common? Hint: Walter Reed Medical Center. Both the president and Trevor Benson, the fictional main character in Sparks’ “The Return,” received critically important treatment at Walter Reed. Trump got expert medical care for his coronavirus. Benson, a Navy surgeon, […]
One on One: Fighting for America
We both love America? We would fight for our country. And we would fight to keep it the way we love it. And we would fight to make it the way we could love it more. It is just that we love different Americas. Even before the president was struck down by the coronavirus that […]
One on One: Religion, Too Much or Not Enough?
Is Joe Biden too Catholic? Or not enough? Has Donald Trump corrupted the leaders of conservative religious groups? Religion is everywhere, even in four important books featured during the next few weeks on North Carolina Bookwatch. In Charlotte doctor and author Kimmery Martin’s “The Antidote for Everything,” the lead character is not deeply religious. However, […]
One on One: Who Wins the Debate About Debates?
What is more interesting than the upcoming debates between candidates for major political offices? Of course, it is the debate about the debates. Some friends, well-informed and experienced in political activities, say the importance of such debates is vastly overrated.  For instance, one said the recent first debate between North Carolina U.S. Senate candidates Republican Thom […]
One on One: Losing Randall Kenan
He had to tell me that my beloved Uncle Remus was not coming back—ever. Randall Kenan was jovial, kind, and wise, not unlike the Uncle Remus he was taking away from me. Kenan, died last week at a much too early 57. Like Uncle Remus, he was an expert on trickster stories, mainly based on […]
›