Beer for your stupid friends who don’t like beer? Well, first, you shouldn’t be hanging out with those people. It’s 2020 and there’s enough negativity out there already. Ditch ’em.

But if you can’t ditch ’em, then maybe you can turn ’em! This is actually one of my favorite past times: Trying to convince non-beer people that there is beer out there that they actually would like to drink.

Frankly, it’s kind of too easy. There are TONS of beer styles, ranging from sugary sweet to achingly bitter to puckeringly sour. Beer styles vary in character far more than wine (its natural competitor) could possibly do, simply because of the variation in ingredients. Tangentially, this is why beer is a far better companion for food, but that’s another article. The point is that I guarantee that there’s a beer out there for your friends that “don’t like” beer.

So what should you look for? You are now about to witness the strength of beer knowledge:

Dry Stout: These are roasty, typically low to middling ABV session beers, made famous in the Emerald Isle. People who don’t like beer are often put off by hop bitterness, and sometimes just by their stupid faces, but dry stouts (often referred to as Irish Stouts) play a different tune. Light malt sweetness is balanced by roasted unmalted barley instead of hop bitterness, which means these beers drink more like creamy cold brew coffee. Moreover, when served to style from a cask or with a nitrogen widget, the creamy nitro mouthfeel will enchant a new drinker. This is not the beer they tried that one time in high school.

Example: Guinness on draft, or if you can’t find it, in a can with a nitro widget.

Flanders Red: Not really easy to find, but the perfect option for your wine friends, this style is as close as beer gets to wine without the addition of grapes or wine yeast. These red ales from the Low Countries are conditioned in wine barrels, which impart a sourness from the latent bacteria that live in the barrels (mmmm, delicious bacteria) and a vinous flavor that will totally trick your stupid friends. You will inevitably get a response like, “I didn’t know beer could taste like that!”

Example: Rodenbach

English Mild: The southerners have Bitter, while the Northerners have Mild. Bitter is to pale ale what Mild is to Brown Ale. Milds are really low ABV brown ales that are maybe closer to drinking slightly carbonated tea than beer. Think brown ale on quaaludes. Slightly astringent from the dark malt used for their coloring, these guys are perfect for sipping and chatting. Both I and your grandma love these beers.

Example: Ask your bottle shop or local brewery. These are really hard to find. You will read that Newcastle is an example. It ain’t. Samuel Smith’s Nut Brown is close, but to me is just a smidge stronger than I’d like as a representative of the style.

Gose: These slightly sour beers originating in northern Germany were all the rage a couple of years ago. They’re relatively low in ABV, are easy to drink with their refreshing, light body, and offer a yogurt-like sourness that makes this brew almost, but not entirely unlike beer. This is more of a niche option that some palates will really enjoy, but others won’t. This isn’t your slam dunk, but it’s an option.

Example: Sierra Nevada Otra Vez

Fruited Lambic: This one is a total cheat. It’s beer in name only. This aged sour is mixed with TONS of fruit to make it more like an alcoholic fruit spritzer, which should never be a way we describe a beer, but here we are. If your friend ever drank kool aid, this will be a no brainer.

Example: Lindeman’s Framboise.

Of course, there are some other options, but I can’t write about ’em all. Go out there and have some beer adventures and prove to your knuckleheaded friends that beer is awesome. Do it!

 

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