When you think of someone that is successful, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
Most likely, your answer was “money.”
That’s probably not the only thing you thought of, once you had the chance to think about it, but it was probably the first thing.
That’s because it’s the ultimate measure of what success looks like in our capitalistic system.
To have a lot of money — or at least a sufficient amount of it — means to have a lot of nice things. And those are usually things that make life a little easier or more enjoyable.
But often those things are sought after not because of their function, but because of the feeling a person hopes they’ll bring along with them.
Maybe that feeling is respect. Maybe it’s admiration. Maybe it’s that people will think they are good at what they do.
But it’s none of those things.
You don’t get respect from others because you have a nice watch. People don’t admire you because you’ve got a flashy car. And they don’t think you’re great at your job just because you’re wearing a fancy suit.
The only thing you get is envy from other insecure people who want what you have, so that they can feel like they have the feeling that you don’t actually have.
They aren’t thinking about you. They’re thinking about themselves.
And you’re left with an emptiness that the watch, or car, or fancy suit couldn’t fill.
On the flip side, those who value material things use money (and the things it can buy) as a way to disvalue the lives or livelihoods of others — like, if they don’t have the watch, car, or suit, they somehow aren’t as successful at their jobs or happy in their lives.
You see this kind of thing as early as elementary school (like mocking a kid for wearing knock-off shoes), but sadly it often persists into adulthood.
But it only works if you are playing that same empty game.
If you change the way you measure your success — say, by using your level of happiness, your fulfillment of purpose, or how many lives you’ve impacted — then you’re not even playing the same game as those significance seekers.
So a criticism of your lack of watches, cars, or fancy suits becomes just as nonsensical as a basketball player criticizing a soccer player for their inability to dunk.
It’s not the same game. So success is measured differently.
None of this is to say that there’s anything wrong with being ambitious and seeking financial success. I am one of those people.
But I would venture to say that what many ambitious people like me want is the freedom money provides, not necessarily the material things.
I just want autonomy and independence. And money can buy that.
But the other way is to really analyze what you want to get out of life. Ask yourself what impact you want to have on the world. And find those things that you are uniquely designed to do, so that you don’t have to get caught up in someone else’s soulless search.
In other words: find your game and write your own rules.
Rain Bennett is a two-time Emmy-nominated filmmaker, writer, and competitive storyteller with over a decade of experience producing documentary films that focus on health and wellness. His mission is simple: to make the world happier and healthier by sharing stories of change.
You can read the rest of “Right as Rain” here, and check back every Wednesday on Chapelboro for a new column!
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