Last week I was reading Naval Ravikant and I hit a line that stopped me dead in my tracks.
I’d never heard this concept put so simply and so accurately, but from a perspective that I’d never considered before.
If you aren’t familiar with his work or writings, Naval is an investor and entrepreneur who invested in the early stages of so many successful companies, it’s not worth listing them all because that would take up today’s whole “Right as Rain” column.
But despite his successes as an investor, he’s become equally known for his philosophical musings and fresh takes on life and business — despite the requests from his colleagues to not put that part of his life out in the public.
The line that I read went like this:
“Envy is an illusion. The part of the person that we envy doesn’t exist without the rest of that person.
If we aren’t willing to trade places with them completely – their life, their body, their thoughts – then there is nothing to be envious about.”
Now, listen. I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome and envy quite a bit over my career.
And that ugly part of me has grown smaller since I’ve seen my own success and worked really hard to be self aware of this habit — focusing intensely on my unique purpose in life, dictated by the tools, skills, and experiences that I alone have acquired.
I even coach people on that very thing now — how to carve out a lane in life in which they and only they can exist, eradicating the possibility of competition.
Still, the Envy Monster can rear its ugly head. Especially when you have a lot of cool friends doing cool things, like I do.
But Naval may have cured that finally, once and for good.
Never before had I thought about this angle.
It is completely unrealistic (even in your imagination) to assume you could cherry pick the great qualities of someone else’s life and just take that one part of it.
The good in life has to come with the bad. It’s all one package.
So if you are envious of someone else’s success, or good looks, or job, or wife, or whatever, you have to stop and really analyze that person. What else do they have?
No one has it all good. Everyone has struggles.
If someone is rich, you only see that part of their life which you covet. You don’t see the unhappy marriage, or the unfulfilled dreams, or the impending disease, or any of the darkness they are dealing with. And that darkness is part of the package.
So the real question you have to stop and ask yourself: do I want to trade my struggles for theirs?
Then when you look back at your life, you see your struggles, or what you wish could happen to make you happier. But you have to also look at what’s beautiful.
Look at your kids. Look at the things you love. Are you willing to trade everything you have for everything that person has?
I certainly am not.
Even in the stressful times of business when I’m not sure if I will make it or not, that is MY business that I’ve built out of my passions.
Even in the throes of raising a 4-week-old baby who won’t sleep at night, that is MY son. And I wouldn’t trade him and my family, or my life, for anyone else’s.
Ever.
And once I realize that, I can move on. Live and let live.
Because to me, nothing is more beautiful than my life.
And the same should be true to you.
Rain Bennett is a two-time Emmy-nominated filmmaker, writer, and competitive storyteller with over a decade of experience producing documentary films that focus on health and wellness. His mission is simple: to make the world happier and healthier by sharing stories of change.
You can read the rest of “Right as Rain” here, and check back every Wednesday on Chapelboro for a new column!
