My daughter is about to turn three years old, otherwise known as a “threenager.”
That means she is really starting to come to terms with her own identity and realizing she has a voice. And often that voice loves to shout “NO!” with every ounce of her newfound confidence.
But along with that recognition of identity comes recognition of all sensory details around her.
Lately, she’s been waking up frequently at all hours of the night because she recognizes if a noise at night isn’t normal, or that she’s all alone in her room, and that it’s dark in there.
Specifically, her mind is recognizing that if she can’t see in the dark, she doesn’t know what’s there, and she begins to think about all the things that could be there. Which, most notably, could be the dreaded monster that is inevitably under the bed.
The other night I went into her room because she was screaming “I so scared of the dark!”
“What is it, baby?” I asked. “What are you scared of?”
“A monster!” she replied emphatically.
I checked under the bed. No monster.
“Baby, there are no monsters in here. Here, look for yourself.” I clicked the button on her little pink flashlight so she could see. She leaned down and peeked under the bed.
“This is your room; it is safe.” I told her. Apparently she trusted me, because she lied back down and fell asleep quickly.
But last week, I realized something.
That feeling of creating a monster inside of our minds doesn’t go away when we become adults.
I was working with a coaching client and pretty quickly into our first session, realized that he was fighting against forces that didn’t actually exist.
We were talking about the content he wanted to create for his new brand and he kept coming up with reasons why certain language might alienate people or why they might not trust him.
“Has someone that you trust ever given you this feedback?” I asked.
“No.”
“Has anyone?”
“No.”
“So you’re completely creating this problem for yourself. You’re making up a monster to face. Please, don’t do that. Business is hard enough as it is, you don’t need to make it more difficult.”
He completely created these potential problems in his head. And we all do this.
These monsters come in the form of impostor syndrome, insecurity, “FOMO,” and a plethora of other terms that all make us feel like we can’t achieve the things we want to achieve.
The issue is, like my daughter with the monster under her bed, we try to run from these made up monsters, or close our eyes tighter and pretend they’re not there, or just hope that eventually they’ll go away.
But you can’t defeat them like that.
It’s you that created them, so it’s you that has to defeat them.
Instead, you must shine a light on them, realize that they aren’t really there, and then let it go.
Then, and only then, will you be able to peacefully go about your purpose.
Rain Bennett is a two-time Emmy-nominated filmmaker, writer, and competitive storyteller with over a decade of experience producing documentary films that focus on health and wellness. His mission is simple: to make the world happier and healthier by sharing stories of change.
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