I’m in San Diego this week shooting for a short documentary series I’m doing and I just left the house of the people featured in the next episode.
Very quickly, as has happened on all of these shoots, they became fast friends.
I stood in the doorway talking with them both for over 25 minutes while their kids got ready for bed. Although I was tired and had an early flight to catch, I didn’t want to leave.
We were deep in a conversation about life, work, and our passions.
I noticed a book by Jen Sincero in his office. She’s been one of my favorite writers lately because she talks about “taking the leap” and the fear that’s wrapped up in that.
I don’t know why Mark, the subject of my film, and I became so close so fast, but he trusted me enough to tell me that he wasn’t happy with his job and he’s been dreaming of taking the leap to venture out on his own, but didn’t know how. He said that every time he starts reading that book, he puts it down because it brings that fear to the forefront of his mind.
Mark is an incredible father with a passion for life, love, and family like I’ve never seen before.
He didn’t really ask for my advice, but I have gone through similar transitions recently and since he felt like an old friend, I told him a simple thought that could change his perspective.
“You need to flip the script,” I said. “You need to stop making it about you and make it about others. Make it about who you want to impact, who you want to help, and who you care about. When you do that, every question that arises will have an ultimate answer already, so then you just need to find the steps and path to get to it.”
For much of my career, I’ve cared way too much about the impressions I make. I cared too much about how I was perceived and how I wasn’t perceived. I wanted the trophies, I wanted the recognition, and I wanted the praise. But I struggled to receive them, at least in the manner and magnitude of my ego’s standards, so I always felt inadequate.
I needed to switch my goals.
I did that by figuring out who I wanted to help and how I wanted to impact lives.
It wasn’t easy to figure out and it took quite a bit of time. I’m still working to make the picture cleared in my mind every day. But I stepped back and looked at what I enjoyed — what truly made me happy, who I cared about, and what skills, experiences and passions I had that could help those people.
Once I did, it became clear that I wanted to help people who struggle to make the changes necessary to be as happy and healthy in their lives as possible.
I do this by making films and telling stories of other people who have done just that.
This is what I do. This is what I care about.
I don’t spend any more time trying to do a project that might win an award or using tactics to secure a project just to look cool on my reel or gain me some sort of perceived clout. I only care about the people that I am trying to help and that informs any decision I make, large or small. If a project doesn’t reach that ultimate mission, I kindly pass it along to a trusted friend.
The irony of it is, once I leaned into who and how I impact, the recognition started to come, but I measured my success by how well I achieved my mission.
Mark said he just wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, so I suggested he think about who he wanted to help first. And when it came to “success” and approval, to just worry about who he really wanted to make proud — his wife and kids.
He wanted to do something that would allow him to make his own hours, travel, and take time off when he wanted to.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about.” he said.
We hugged for longer than most people would after meeting just two days ago.
I could tell he wanted so badly to take the leap.
When he walked me to my car to say our final goodbyes, he said, “Ya know, years ago I used to build houses for people in Tijuana. I gave them affordable places to live.”
I just smiled and hopped in my rental car.
Featured image via Rain Bennett
Rain Bennett is a two time Emmy-nominated filmmaker, fitness professional, public speaker, and writer. His mission is simple: to help people realize that they too can be great, no matter where they come from or what they start with. It just takes passion, persistence, and a plan.
Bennett directed and produced his first feature length documentary in true indie fashion by traveling the world with only a backpack and a Canon DSLR camera. That film, Raise Up: The World is Our Gym won “Best of the Fest” at the Hip Hop Film Festival NYC and received global distribution through Red Bull Media House. He’s been featured in publications like Men’s Health and Sports Business Global and is a regular contributor to Breaking Muscle. When he’s not making movies or training clients at Sync Studio in Durham, he’s hosting a new webseries called The Perfect Workout Show.
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