A few years ago, a young friend of mine found herself in a new relationship and – to her unhappy surprise – pregnant.
She discussed this with her new boyfriend and they agreed that neither was ready for a baby. Taking a few days to decide, it was an agony for her. She wants children. She just wants to make that decision for herself, if and when she’s ready.
During her deliberation, my friend had some symptoms that suggested she might be miscarrying. I accompanied her to the Duke Emergency Department for evaluation. She had an ultrasound and it was determined that she and her pregnancy were ok. Her cramping and spotting were not unusual for early pregnancy.
The doctor came to the exam and began talking to my friend about the condition and developmental stage of “her baby.”
This is something you want to do to encourage a first-time mother to think of the baby’s welfare in taking care of herself – to help her wrap her mind around the idea that she’s going to be someone’s mother.
My young friend, overwhelmed with guilt and fear, began to cry. I interrupted the female doctor (who was well-intended, I’m sure). “My friend is not looking for an OB,” I said. “She wants to terminate as soon as possible. Can you please advise us on how to proceed?”
She confirmed with my friend that this was the case and directed us to Planned Parenthood. We went there and after enduring their waiting period, my friend was given the medication needed to end her pregnancy, the “abortion pill.” If that sounds expeditious, it’s not. It’s several days of being doubled over with severe abdominal cramping and the fluid flow to match.
When you’re in your 20’s and making crappy money, $600 that you don’t have might as well be $6,000. The services at Planned Parenthood were not covered by insurance, of course. I loaned my friend the cash and she repaid it promptly.
My friend recovered without incident and is now enjoying life with her boyfriend. Maybe they’ll get married. Maybe not. That’s a freedom they enjoy. Her story and its resolution are among the most typical and least complicated circumstances for a young woman who needed to end a pregnancy.
No crime (of assault or incestuous abuse) and its accompanying trauma created the pregnancy. She wasn’t underage, requiring that she disclose all this to her parents. Her pregnancy wasn’t medically complicated by genetic problems.
If this had happened in the current day in the state of Texas, none of those factors would matter. That state, which can’t figure out that an electric grid isn’t political, would step in to force her to bear an unwanted child.
That is so opposite of “conservative” principles, it’s hard to know where to begin. To be clear, conservatism is a small government, stay-out-of-my-bedroom political philosophy. Conservatives, for example, would assert that a family’s decision to discontinue life support for a person who is brain dead is a personal matter between the patient’s family and the doctor who is providing care.
Actual conservative elected officials who have had to face and execute such a decision know its pain and grief. Those who are lusting after power, disregard that, claim there is “always hope” and inject the government into the process – protracting the agony of an inevitable death, claiming that their faith in God demands it.
That’s what then-Florida Governor Jeb Bush did in the Terri Schiavo case in 2005, with the help of his brother, then-President George W. Bush. Jeb wanted to be president and this case demonstrated the priority that his ambition played in his political calculus. That choice was pro-politics, not “pro-life.”
Decisions at the beginning of a potential human life and at its end should be made by those who will bear the consequences of that decision. In the case of an early pregnancy, that’s the woman who is pregnant. It is her body that will bear the consequence of a pregnancy. It is her life whose path will be altered permanently by being forced to bear an unwanted child. The only comparable example that comes close for men is that of being drafted into a war that they think is immoral, unjust and not worthy of sacrificing their lives. For this, they can declare their status as a conscientious objector and they’re excused from duty. Women are entitled to the same deference – even in Texas.
Jean Bolduc is a freelance writer and the host of the Weekend Watercooler on 97.9 The Hill. She is the author of “African Americans of Durham & Orange Counties: An Oral History” (History Press, 2016) and has served on Orange County’s Human Relations Commission, The Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina, the Orange County Housing Authority Board of Commissioners, and the Orange County Schools’ Equity Task Force. She was a featured columnist and reporter for the Chapel Hill Herald and the News & Observer.
Readers can reach Jean via email – jean@penandinc.com and via Twitter @JeanBolduc
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