Holy Goose (and poop jokes)
The yard sign stuck in a neighbor’s mulch prohibits “tres-pooping” and is aimed at the trespassing dogs (not Spanish-speaking ones). However, the most egregious scatological sinners are the Canada geese (Branta canadensis).
Two of these foul, um, fowl creatures had four goslings back in the spring. Those fuzzy-wuzzy, waddling offspring were cute — “adorbs” as my kids say. But like human children, goslings grow into petulant teenagers who refuse to clean up after themselves and demand your food. What we need are neighborhood signs that prohibit individuals from feeding them — the birds, not my children. Please share your food with my kids; they are eating me out of my home.
John Green wrote that, while geese have adapted to humans, thriving in our landscaped suburbs with Kentucky bluegrass and retention ponds, “they seem to feel nothing but disdain for actual humans.” No matter how much I squawk at them, they ungratefully hiss in return.
Both Wendell Berry and Mary Oliver have composed beautiful poems about wild geese; however, I observe that their birds “appear high over us” and are “in the clean blue air,” rather than wandering throughout our neighborhood, honking like dying balloons.
Still, Celtic Christians believed the Holy Spirit was symbolized by a wild goose and not a gentle, peaceful dove. Perhaps the Holy One is more like an incessant honk for your attention than a gentle coo. Do we forgive those who tres-poop against us, recognizing that at some point we all make a mess of things?
Meanwhile, Dog, which is God spelled backward, has developed a taste for the manna of wild geese, which, like the Lord’s mercies, is new every morning.
Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of the book with Wipf and Stock Publishers titled This Is the Day: A Year of Observing Unofficial Holidays about Ampersands, Bobbleheads, Buttons, Cousins, Hairball Awareness, Humbugs, Serendipity, Star Wars, Teenagers, Tenderness, Walking to School, Yo-Yos, and More. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina where he is a student of joy.
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