… they saw them holding hands, and I hold onto that. — Brian Doyle, “Leap”
When I first moved to Chapel Hill, a neighbor down the street shook my hand and introduced himself as a firefighter at Ground Zero on 9/11. He then handed my youngest son, who happened to be standing next to me, a plastic NYFD hat. I quickly learned that this same neighbor often wore a certain red baseball hat, and his truck was plastered with political stickers.
I met his next-door neighbor at a rally for racial equity. Once we made the connection, she liked to give my children homemade chocolate chip cookies. When she spoke to you, she liked to hold your hand pressed between hers.
Both of these neighbors have moved to other parts of the state, and I have lost track of them. But on this 9/11 anniversary, I remember them and the two types of definitions about what it means to be an American — “civic identity” or “ethnic identity.”
I agree with Aaron Keck that “these different conceptions of American identity can coexist” and also “go in many, many different directions, many of them contradictory.” His comments, in turn, remind me of Walt Whitman, perhaps the greatest American poet, who observed, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large; I contain multitudes.” And Abraham Lincoln, perhaps the greatest American president, who appealed to “the better angels of our nature.”
My son handed down the NYFD hat to me, and I’ve kept it on top of a bookshelf ever since. Sometimes I sit with my head sunk into my hands over the cruelty and suffering in the brutal burning world. There are never enough answers. Sometimes I remember to look on top of my bookshelf. I remember how he used to mow his next-door neighbor’s lawn, and how she would bake her oatmeal raisin cookies for him. I remember how she joked about a firefighter and a “flaming liberal” getting along so well. I remember I randomly saw them talking together, his hand pressed between hers, and I hold onto that.
Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of the book with Wipf and Stock Publishers titled This Is the Day: A Year of Observing Unofficial Holidays about Ampersands, Bobbleheads, Buttons, Cousins, Hairball Awareness, Humbugs, Serendipity, Star Wars, Teenagers, Tenderness, Walking to School, Yo-Yos, and More. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina where he is a student of joy.
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