Today, January 9, is my birthday. This year, I’ll turn 44 years old. I hope to live at least another four decades. I’d love nothing more than to grow old with my wife and for us to know our kids as adults, maybe with kids of their own. What a wonder that would be.
One day, I’ll die. I want to be cremated. I don’t have a particular place in mind for my ashes.
But I want a memorial bench.
My children scoff at this idea, which occasionally I’ll mention when we encounter such a resting place. My oldest thinks a statue would be much better.
When you are a certain age, you want to make a mark on the world. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that most impressions are left in someone’s mind rather than on marble. I agree with David Whyte, a poet and essayist, that so much of human experience is a conversation between loss and celebration.
My family hiked Occoneechee Mountain over the weekend. Due to the wind, we didn’t stay long at the overlook; instead, we hustled down the loop trail and sought shelter among the trees.
We rested on a memorial bench dedicated to someone we did not know. Yet, we sat together, eating apples and almonds, laughing about something I’ve forgotten. I remember the feeling of happiness, of connection to each other, as the bare branches waved overhead in the wind and the world spun on. That feeling wouldn’t have been possible without that bench, and that bench wouldn’t have been there without a little effort and consideration. We may not have known the person whose name was on the plaque, but they still made a difference for us in that moment.
Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of the book with Wipf and Stock Publishers titled This Is the Day: A Year of Observing Unofficial Holidays about Ampersands, Bobbleheads, Buttons, Cousins, Hairball Awareness, Humbugs, Serendipity, Star Wars, Teenagers, Tenderness, Walking to School, Yo-Yos, and More. He lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina where he is a student of joy.
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Thank You, Andrew, for such a thought provoking column! I was reminded of the movie, “Notting Hill,” where Julia Roberts character and Hugh Grant’s character discover a private garden. Julia Roberts observes a similar memorial bench with the words, “For June who loved this garden, from Joseph who always sat beside her”. and the end shot of the movie is with them together on that very bench, as they watch children play in that same garden, Julia Roberts pregnant and the love story that the memorial bench suggested lives on in new lives.