Give me the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue any time.
In an obvious move to shock readers the way SI has done for years with its Swimsuit Issue, ESPN Magazine now has its annual “Body Issue,” complete with a bunch of athletes carefully photographed in the buffalo.
Why? It’s not something we can ogle at in real life or a $500 bathing suit we can go out and buy if we like what super models like Halle, Kate, Christie or Paulina are wearing on the cover and interior pages of SI.
Do I want to see bulging muscles on a naked man and unreadable tattoos on mountain climbers, skateboarders and team sport stars? Personally, I like Julian Edelman in a football uniform more than jumping in the air with a red, white and blue patriotic hat covering his privates. Give me the girls of some deserted island who have been there for days on a photo shoot that becomes a calendar.
Previously unknown models in Sports Illustrated become superstars that we see for years to come in an issue that takes pride in parents and wives cancelling subscriptions for there being a little too much skin and a little too little suit on these bathing beauties.
What lasting effect do I get from Ezekiel Elliot in a football pose in a rain forest, or Gus Kenworthy bombing down the slopes with nothing on but skis? Or bearded hockey players standing without hockey sticks covering their crotches with their hands?
What is the reality of the gorgeous U.S. Women’s hockey team charging down the ice so carefully cropped that there isn’t a hint of their gender? Then you see them fully robed in the locker room getting ready to be photographed, and finally six of them looking back over their bare bottoms that aren’t so shapely because – Jiminy Christmas – they are hockey players, not swimsuit models.
Tall, striking tennis player Caroline Wozniacki looks to me like she could be in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, which in all fairness has tried to mix in athletes in recent years. But ESPN covered Caroline’s blonde body with some sort of shiny stuff that makes her look like she’s auditioning for a redo of Goldfinger.
I like people trying new stuff, but just because it’s a magazine owned by a network that is owned by Disney doesn’t mean all the publicity will make it a big success. Obviously, it didn’t with me.
The views expressed in Art Chansky’s Sports Notebook reflect only the personal opinion of Art Chansky
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