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Lessons from “Beartown” for Everyone’s Body
A perspective from Andrew Taylor-Troutman
Trigger Warning: this content is about the subject of rape and sexual assault.
The parents go out of town, leaving their son throws an unsupervised party for high schoolers. Neighbors turn blind eyes and deaf ears. At the party, alcohol is free and abundant, especially liquor. There are drinking games. Dark hallways and locked doors.
Fredrik Bachman’s novel, “Beartown,” includes this terrifying scene of the acquaintance rape of a fifteen-year-old girl. The book is set in Beartown, an imagined forest community in northern Sweden, which is both geographically and culturally far from the Triangle.
But the real fiction is if we believe that rape and sexual assault are not frequent in our own communities. Studies find that one out of every ten high school females and one of out every twenty males reports being forced into sex, most often by someone they know. The rates may be as high as one in four young women coerced either verbally or physically at some point in their lives.[1]
So, what is a concerned parent to do?
“Beartown” has been made into an HBO series. My children are in elementary school and Disney+ is more our speed. Still, it is not too early to talk about consent. No one should ever touch someone else’s body without enthusiastic permission or “Yes!”
Another guiding principle is to encourage empathy. We can help our kids to think about and pay attention to how their actions make another person feel. Many experts recommend a rewind game. For instance, if your first-grader tells you about bullying at school, you could respond, “If we were to rewind that video, what do you think you could do to help next time if you see it happen again?” Your children might imagine transforming into a cape-wearing superhero! You can gently guide them to the importance of telling a real-life teacher.[2]
This example points to the importance of sharing our own values and expectations for respecting bodies and boundaries with our children. They should know exactly what we believe is the difference between right and wrong.
Conversation is crucial. Yet, as Mister Rogers claimed, “Attitudes are caught, not taught.” Our children will learn the most from what we model for them. This includes affording respect to our kids. If a relative is adamant about giving a goodbye hug, but our preschooler is resistant, we must step in: “How about giving a high-five or saying, ‘Goodbye’?”[3] You don’t have to be rude to be firm.
The novel “Beartown” is real about the terrors of rape. To the author’s credit, there are also scenes of genuine loyalty, respect and love not only among youth but between adults. Cultivating an environment that respects personal boundaries and keeps everyone safe is a lot of hard work, day in and day out.
But it is a win for everybody, for everyone’s body.
[1] Rickert, V.I., Wiemann, C.M., Vaughan, R.D., & White, J.W. (2004), Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine; Howard, D.E., & Wang, M.Q. (2005), Journal of Adolescent Health.
[2] For this example and many more see, “This Is How You Teach Kids about Consent”
[3] This information is available in many places. I recommend starting with this tip sheet at StopItNow.org
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