This Just In – It’s no surprise that as we age, we lose some of our faculties. We don’t see as well. Our balance can be a little dicey and, of course, we lose some hearing.
In 2021 when my father was dying, I was picking up his hearing aids from a nightstand and wanted to check to see if the batteries were no good from having been left on for days. I picked up the device and held it up near my right ear. I was shocked. I could hear the nearby television (I didn’t realize the sound was on). I could hear a conversation happening in the hallway outside his room.
During that visit to Florida, I noticed quite conspicuously that I was asking my stepmother (and others) to repeat themselves. At this point, it was the rule, not the exception. I talked to my dad’s audiologist during his visit to the house and found that yes, I had the underlying health reasons (repeated exposure to loud music and decades of diabetes) to explain my hearing loss.
When I returned home, I went for a hearing test and got some hearing aids. Good grief, what a difference this has made, especially on the phone. They’re Bluetooth, so the sound comes direct into my ears.
That said, hearing aids are not like eyeglasses which can correct vision to perfect or nearly so. Hearing aids provide amplification primarily, so everything is louder (thankfully). That means in a restaurant EVERYTHING is louder… and this is not necessarily helpful.
What is remarkable to me though is the way some people in helping jobs respond when they first hear from me that I cannot understand them. They make a brief adjustment of speaking louder and/or slower and this is helpful.
Then about two sentences later they return to exactly how they spoke before. If they’re walking me to an exam room, they are asking questions quietly (for discretion) about my date of birth or what brings me in today and they’re doing this while walking ahead of me and facing away.
My response: “Still deaf. I’m sorry …. I can’t hear you.”
Like many people in my situation, I wish I could skate along and pretend I heard what was being asked, but you know … in a medical setting it can be things about what I am or am not allergic to (a growing list as I age) and a miscommunication about when did the pain start can result in a misdiagnosis.
And there’s one other thing.
If I were legally blind or had only one leg or a broken arm, the medical system would turn on a dime to accommodate my disability. Hearing loss is invisible. If it isn’t mentioned, it isn’t accommodated.
Restaurants have gotten the message (often) and offer quiet areas for customers to choose instead of blasting music. That’s great. We can all do better in how we accommodate people with hearing loss. If you notice that someone’s wearing hearing aids and want to help, here are my pro tips for winning their hearts:
1) Before all else, ask if they can hear you ok or if they’d like you to speak up.
2) Slow down your speech a little. Questions you ask 100 times a day might be routine for you but new to me.
3) Face me when you’re talking.
4) If I ask you to repeat the question, try to rephrase it or otherwise give context.
5) Show compassion. Realize how painful it is to be frustrated when my grandchildren want to share a secret with me and I have to struggle to hear their special messages.
These are achievable yet big deal things. They keep the world open when I sometimes feel closed out of it. If you work in a retail setting or just want your business to better accommodate people with hearing loss, please share this column and accept my thanks in advance!
Jean Bolduc is a freelance writer and the host of the Weekend Watercooler on 97.9 The Hill. She is the author of “African Americans of Durham & Orange Counties: An Oral History” (History Press, 2016) and has served on Orange County’s Human Relations Commission, The Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina, the Orange County Housing Authority Board of Commissioners, and the Orange County Schools’ Equity Task Force. She was a featured columnist and reporter for the Chapel Hill Herald and the News & Observer.
Readers can reach Jean via email – jean@penandinc.com and via Twitter @JeanBolduc
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It’s not reasonable to expect others to always remember to speak differently in order to compensate for your hearing loss.
That is seriously narcissistic on your part. You’re old enough to know better than to behave this way.