After two years of non-human contact, we are learning how to greet each other again and it can be quite awkward. At the onset of the pandemic, we were told to maintain a six-foot distance when in public spaces such as the grocery store or outside on walkways. How did one figure out what six feet actually was? I used the “Joey Ramone” rule, I know half the people reading this will get that. Chapel Hill created more space, using the actual street downtown because the current sidewalk space could not comfortably accommodate outside dining and pedestrians at the same time while maintaining a safe distance. Walking was a good way to be outside, get your steps in and stay clear of others. More space for people, less space for cars. Different column.

I spent the last few months talking with thousands of people. It was so refreshing to be face-to-face again, but the greeting was tricky because people really had to think about what they were doing. The fist and elbow bump is still in place and works perfectly fine as an official greeting. As society slowly returns to pre-pandemic norms, the handshake greeting is making a comeback, but it can feel inappropriate and clumsy. The first time that hand came at me from a person I did not know I was hesitant and was a bit slow to extend my hand. Remembering that I was cautious, fully vaccinated and twice boosted, I reached out, and just like that the handshake was back in my greeting ritual, sort of!

How did the handshake become a ritual? It traces back thousands of years. In ancient times the gesture began as a way of conveying peaceful intentions and used as a symbol of friendship. Its use as an everyday greeting became popular around the 17th century replacing a bow or tipping of the hat. By the 1800’s, etiquette manuals included guidelines for the proper handshaking technique. Women weren’t included in these guidelines until the 1920’s when “manners maven” Emily Post wrote “Gentlemen always shake hands when they are introduced to each other. Ladies rarely do so with gentlemen who are introduced to them; but they usually shake hands with other ladies, if they are standing near together. All people who know each other, unless merely passing by, shake hands when they meet.” Most people are still reserving handshakes and hugs for family members and friends, or simply asking, are you shaking or hugging?

And that leads us to the question, to hug or not to hug? Or a better question is, are you accepting hugs? Well, I will admit it, I love a good hug from my family and friends, but I am also cautious when people want to hug me that I do not know. Simply asking are you accepting hugs seems perfectly fine now and for the first time it feels ok to say no. Hugs are comforting, they make us feel good and there is scientific proof that hugs improve our health. They can relieve stress and lower blood pressure. A good hug could lead to decreased depression and raises the level of oxytocin, better known as the “feel good” chemical in your brain.

Is it safe to hug again? Well, that depends. It is probably good to ask if a person is accepting hugs, don’t just assume the spontaneous hug is going to go over well. Make it clear that you are vaxxed and boosted and have had no exposure to COVID. This can be challenging since we don’t always know if or when we have been exposed. There is always an element of risk but with a few quick questions you will find your comfort level and hopefully get back to those wonderful hugs.

Penny and her family moved to Chapel Hill in 1998. She soon joined the Town of Chapel Hill’s Telecommunications and Technology advisory board and was appointed by the town to the OWASA board of directors where she served 6 years and held the Vice Chair position. In 2009 she ran and was elected to the town council in Chapel Hill, and in 2012 ran and was elected to the BOCC where she served 8 years, the last two as chair of the board. Penny owns and operates a personal chef and catering company and has been published in Cary Magazine, Gourmet Magazine, INDY Week, Southern Neighbor and News14. She lives in Carrboro with her mom Jersey Jacky. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram

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