It can be one of the most frustrating aspects of having a loved one with dementia.  Dad will ask the same question repeatedly.  “What time are you picking me up?”

You answer him, and three minutes later he asks it again.  “What time are you picking me up?”   You lose your temper. You say something that later you regret.  Yet, he has vivid recollections of the house you grew up in and many other things from long ago.

This is due to the fact that many dementias attack short-term memory first.  Short-term memory operates like a “Post-it Note” for information that is being processed and has not yet been filed away for the long haul.  For example, your ability to understand this paragraph requires you to understand and retain the first sentence while you read remaining sentences.

While there are some tricks you and Dad can do to help him recall things – physical Post-it Notes are very helpful – an important part of the solution is patience and understanding on your part.    Your father’s short-tem memory loss is due to real physical changes taking place in his brain.  If you could look inside his head, you would see that his hippocampus, the area responsible for holding short-term memories, has become atrophied.  He simply has lost the ability to retain the information you give him.

Think of it this way.  If your dad had a broken leg and was on crutches, you would not expect him to jump rope.  You know that he can’t.  It’s the same thing with his hippocampus.  It has real physical damage.  You can’t see it, however, so you expect him to remember things as though his hippocampus were healthy.

Short-term memory loss is one of the first real signs of dementia.  As annoying as it might be to you, realize that it’s even worse for your father.  When your dad keeps asking the same question over and over, keep in mind that he is not giving you a hard time, he is having a hard time.

About the Author:


Lorenzo Mejia and his wife, Mary Lynn Ryerson, are the owners of Acorn, a caregiver registry located in Chapel Hill.

They founded Acorn based on their experiences caring for his mom, who suffered with Alzheimer’s Disease.  In 2013, he became a Qualified Dementia Care Specialist.  In 2014, the Alzheimer’s Foundation named him the Dementia Care Professional of the Year in the United States.

Lorenzo is the founder of Dementia Friendly Orange County an effort to make local businesses more accommodating to people with dementia.

Lorenzo speaks often on dementia and the challenges associated with caring for loved ones.  He has been interviewed by ABC News and National Public Radio.  He is an advisor to Orange County’s OC-CARES Dementia Capable Community Project.

Click here for a listing of other articles from ‘The Caring Corner’ on Chapelboro.com

Acorn provides screened and vetted in-home caregivers for clients with dementia, Alzheimer’s, ALS and other similar conditions. Options include 24/7, live-in, weekly, weekend or hourly care. Acorn serves Chapel Hill, Durham, Hillsborough, Pittsboro and surrounding areas in Orange, Chatham, Durham and Wake counties.

Related Stories
‹
The Caring Corner: Can Chocolate Be a Cure for Dementia?
Can Chocolate Be a Cure for Dementia? Don’t you love it when something you love is also good for you?   That may just be the case with chocolate. A new pill released in the UK is made entirely out of chocolate.  It contains flavanols extracted from cocoa that lower cholesterol and improve blood flow.   Research […]
The Caring Corner: Will Medicare Pay for Home Care?
Will Medicare Pay for Home Care? So often we get calls from folks who ask if Medicare will pay for home care visits.  They had a friend who was recovering from hip surgery and nursing assistants came to her home, compliments of Medicare. While yes, Medicare will pay for home care visits, it only does […]
The Caring Corner: Seven Early Signs of Dementia
Seven Early Signs of Dementia It’s a question that we all ask at some point after we hit 50.  I just forgot something… is it dementia? With age, it is normal to occasionally forget some things.  Our brains are like file cabinets:  the older we get, the more stuff we have filed away.  And the […]
The Caring Corner: What To Do After An Alzheimer’s Diagnosis
Being diagnosed with any illness is scary no matter what it is, but being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s can be worse because you will lose your memory. It is often shocking to deal with the the inevitable changes that will take place. Being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease can be especially difficult because as the disease progresses, you will no longer be able to recognize family members, feed yourself, walk, or even button a button. There is no cure and your time becomes very precious. How do you prepare to yourself as the disease progresses? These are a few tips to help you play for your future.
UNC, Duke Establish Joint Alzheimer's Research Center with NIH Grant
UNC and Duke are teaming up to establish a joint Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center. One of 33, the UNC-Duke center plans to focus on how factors relating to the development of Alzheimer’s arise later contributing to racial, ethnic, and geographic disparities in developing dementia.
The Caring Corner, presented by Acorn: End of Life Concerns
Thinking About the “Final Chapter”?  These Books May Help “Don’t send me flowers when I’m dead.  If you like me, send them while I’m alive.”   – Brian Clough With the immense popularity of Atul Gawande’s 2014 book Being Mortal, there’s been a surge of interest in learning about end-of-life concerns – and making informed decisions  […]
Orange County Launches "Dementia-Friendly" Initiative
The county is using a $900,000 grant to launch an initiative to help those living with dementia.
One on One: Dad and Alzheimer’s
D.G. Martin re-shares a column from 1998 about his family's relationship to Alzheimer's, and one's ability to recognize and face death.
FDA Panel Reviews 1st New Alzheimer’s Drug in 2 Decades
One of the biggest drug decisions in decades is looming as U.S. regulators consider whether to approve the first medicine that’s claimed to slow mental decline from Alzheimer’s disease, the most common form of dementia. A panel of outside experts meets Friday to advise the Food and Drug Administration on aducanumab, a drug from Cambridge, […]
Drugs Fail to Slow Decline in Inherited Alzheimer's Disease
Two experimental drugs failed to prevent or slow mental decline in a study of people who are virtually destined to develop Alzheimer’s disease at a relatively young age because they inherited rare gene flaws. The results announced Monday are another disappointment for the approach that scientists have focused on for years — trying to remove […]
›