This Just In – a few choice words about civility and the underestimated power of language.
Let’s start with a simple fact that’s become despicably obvious lately: I’m old. My childhood memories extend to Kennedy’s assassination and the killing of Lee Harvey Oswald shortly thereafter. I recall the killings of Martin Luther King Jr., Bobby Kennedy and Malcolm X. I watched the moon landing on live TV. Truth be told, I was more fascinated with watching my father watch the moon landing because he was so captivated by the technological achievement.
So, ok, I’m old enough to cite that I’m old school about some things and I’ve cited some of them here before … the response to “thank you” should be something like “you’re welcome” or “my pleasure” not “no problem” or “you’re good.”
I mean, I’m glad whenever I’m not a problem, but I digress.
Recently, I was asking a customer service person about a shipping delay of some supplies for a bathroom renovation we’re currently undergoing. I need this stuff … right now. “It’s been picked up,” said the nice young woman. “It’s on a truck, awaiting transport …. In California.”
Well, it was supposed to arrive a week ago, so I need to know when to expect it. She told me, with regret, that she cannot know that. They’re backlogged. That’s when the next irritating but common expression came along.
I asked if it was reasonable for me to think this could take two to three weeks to arrive. “If I’m being honest, yes,” she said.
What to do? Should I ask her to be dishonest? I told her that’s what I needed to know and thanked her for her help.
“You’re most welcome,” she said. Nice save.
As I took in the news this week, I thought of these kinds of little niceties. Please and Thank You and affirmations of honesty. I watched stories of Former Speaker Kevin McCarthy once again (he’s done this before) giving a fellow representative a shove in the hallway, then denying it to reporters. I watched Senator Mullin of Oklahoma offer to throw down with Teamsters President Sean O’Brien during a committee hearing. So, yeah, that’s on the record.
I thought of Sandra Day O’Connor, Associate Justice on the Supreme Court for 25 years. She had an expression that, once uttered from the bench, arguing attorneys knew they had gone too far and would likely lose their case. She was a moderate conservative (yeah, that used to be a thing) and was very influential among her peers. If you’d lost O’Connor, you’d lost the center and with it, the majority.
This turn of phrase was comprehensive. It was nuclear. There was no recovery once she’d said it, the time to take your seat in defeat had arrived.
“Oh my goodness,” Justice O’Connor would say in her very best grandmotherly voice. That’s it. Delivered dramatically, it had every effect of “you must be f—ing kidding me” with none of the disrespect for the court that would come with that.
She wielded her language with care and surgical precision. I’ve wondered what she would say if she were in a room with the GOP caucus this week. Perhaps she would dig deep and really let them have it with the explosive “I’m so disappointed in you” stuff that might make McCarthy cry.
One thing’s for sure, they all need to spend some time in the thinking chair. I’d say they were behaving like children, but the simple fact is … I have young children in my life (thank goodness) and they behave with compassion and civility. If one knocks the other one down, they help him up while apologizing. Sure, there might be some “he started it” but it doesn’t last long. There could be cookies at stake.
At least with my grandsons, I have the benefit of knowing the key thing … they’ll grow out of it.
Jean Bolduc is a freelance writer and the host of the Weekend Watercooler on 97.9 The Hill. She is the author of “African Americans of Durham & Orange Counties: An Oral History” (History Press, 2016) and has served on Orange County’s Human Relations Commission, The Alliance of AIDS Services-Carolina, the Orange County Housing Authority Board of Commissioners, and the Orange County Schools’ Equity Task Force. She was a featured columnist and reporter for the Chapel Hill Herald and the News & Observer.
Readers can reach Jean via email – jean@penandinc.com and via Twitter @JeanBolduc
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