It’s the season of holiday lights, sugary treats, festive music, colorful decorations and, highest on the list for my four children, gifts.  My kids have spent a ridiculous amount of time painstakingly detailing their various wants and needs and already I have received numerous versions of THE LIST from each child.

So far, the award goes to 11-year-old Jacob for the most user-friendly list.  His helpful itemization includes the source for each request and the purchase price.  The list also features a legend, with codes to identify the requested item as either a “want,” a “really want” or a “can’t live another day without.”  Even more helpful, Jake has included additional symbols for all listed weapons indicating “what Dad thinks.”  The options are “yes,” “no,” and “maybe.”  It’s interesting that a significant number of items include both the “can’t live another day without” symbol and the “Dad says no” symbol.

All 8-year-old Emily wants is a one-way ticket for her and her best friend, Hattie, to New York City.  Immediately upon their arrival, they will be express delivered to the American Girl store, where they will live happily ever after for the rest of their days.  The request includes a lifetime supply of Nutella and Sprite.

Number one on my 6-year-old son’s list is a machete.  This from a boy who draws fake wounds all over his body with red and black Sharpies and for a year of his life carried around a fake bloody rubber arm.  No need to explain my reaction to his request.   

But even considering all of these over-the-top gift desires, the most difficult to address has been that of 11-year-old Natalie.  All Natalie wants for Christmas is a Border Collie.

Her desire for a Border Collie began in June when she was introduced to the breed at a summer camp she attended at an animal rescue facility.  She has been obsessed ever since and I have been harassed for a new dog on a daily basis.

There are many, many reasons why I cannot get a Border Collie right now.  Nineteen reasons to be exact.  Let’s see – four kids, seven cats, one dog, one rat, one bunny and five chickens.  Oh wait – twenty reasons.  I forgot the husband.  Realistically, there is just no room for a Border Collie in my life.

But Natalie has spent the past five months researching the breed and is quite convinced that my quality of life would be vastly improved with the introduction of a Border Collie.  I don’t know.  Call me a pessimist, but I just don’t see it.  I think my life is pretty good as it is.

Our dog groomer tells me that Border Collies need a huge amount of exercise.  When I told her that I was a runner and could presumably include the dog in my weekly training regimen, she just shook her head.  Apparently, my 15-plus miles a week of running would be but a little warm-up for a Border Collie.  Possibly it would work if I could conjure up a safe way to include the dog on my bike rides and swims.

Natalie tells me I wouldn’t even know the dog was in the house.  She would take care of everything.  I remind her that she said that about our Miniature Schnauzer and the rat and the bunny.  She sighs and throws up her hands.  “You can’t expect me to do everything, Mom!” she claims.  “But I WILL take care of the Border Collie.”  Uh, okay.  Sure.  For how long?  A week?
And what about food, vaccinations, yearly physicals and medication?  Not to worry.  Natalie will just forego her allowance for a little while.  That should cover it.

Needless to say, I have no intention of getting Natalie a Border Collie for Christmas.  But I did do a little research into the breed for my own knowledge.  It was just as I had feared.  These dogs are very intelligent, hard working dogs.  They need lots of space, lots of exercise and lots of activity.  They need jobs to do.  Plus, they are herding dogs.  They live on farms and spend their days herding sheep.  What is a Border Collie going to herd around here?  The cats?  The kids?  Actually, help herding the kids might be a good thing.  I imagine the dog running from child to child, nipping at their ankles when they don’t immediately respond to my calls.  That could be good.

But Natalie had that one covered too.  “Refer to the list, Mom.”

So I did.  I got out her Christmas list and for the first time looked beyond the number one request for a Border Collie that was all in caps, starred and underlined.  Ahh, there it was.  Number two on the list.  Sheep.