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Pinball? 50 Is The 'New 30'

By boblee Posted November 12, 2012 at 6:09 am

Was it a coincidence?   The Who performed Friday night in Greensboro . . .  and “pinball wizards” performed in Kenan on Saturday afternoon?  The football opera was co-orchestrated not by Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey but by Larry Fedora and Paul Johnson.   The Heels & Ramblin’ Wreck  “sure played a mean pinball” on a BEE-youtiful November Saturday amid the remaining lofty pines.
 
The Kenan scoreboard operator is in intensive care in the Jim Knight Wing of UNC Hospitals suffering from severe carpal tunnel syndrome.  A Kenan scoreboard lighting up like a Dean Dome scoreboard? 
 
“50 is the new 30” in college football.  Each week there are a dozen teams passing half-a-hundred.  If you don’t like it, I suggest soccer or hockey as more your speed. 
 
If The Fedorians had the 68 and the other guys had the 50 would the Franklin Street teeth-gnashing be the same today?   Was it more fun to ring up 60 on the Idahoians than have 60+ run up on us?  Heck yes. 
 
I perused a few media comment boards frequented by the Tar Heel knee-jerks.  They are oh-so-predictable, duh!  The FireDaveHuxtable & SendHisFamilyToAGulag Society has reopened for business.  They were a fun bunch of pathetic sickos from the early Bunting Era.  This pack o’ rabid dogs decided Bunting’s Defensive Coordinator – a nice guy named Dave Huxtable – was all that stood between them and BCS Glory.   They finally ran Dave off but their own miserable lives remained BCS-less.
 
Their knee-jerking counterparts on The Brickyard during their Amato Era did the exact same with Chuckie’s Offensive Coordinator de’jour for 3-4 years running.   It got so bad that Chuck’s OCs simply rented a room at the Ramada Inn by the Fairgrounds knowing their stay would be “shorter than a Monte Towe bobblehead doll”. I digress.
 
Big Time College Football is indeed in its pinball era of point-a-minute offenses.  If you prefer trench warfare and “3 yards and a cloud of dust” go rent The Woody Hayes DVD Collection at Blockbuster.   ‘Dem days is long gone.
 
Just wait.  In three years the football rules guys will narrow the width of the playing field to 25 yards.  Plant land mines in The Red Zone and require all wide receivers to tie one hand behind their backs.  These things run in cycles.  Trust me.
 
“Pinball football” is a perfect complement to big flat-screen HDTVs.   Aerial shows featuring cannon-armed bomb-throwers and glue-fingered gazelles…. wearing glo-in-the-dark helmets.  “Everybody Go Long” is now the basic game plan.
 
To quote the leader of The Fedorians:
 
“If you leave your seat to go to the rest room you’re gonna miss a Tar Heel touchdown.”  Yesterday that was modified to “turn to the guy next to you to ask ‘which one is Gio’ and you missed both teams scoring.”
 
Me?  I like Pinball Football.  I like Home Runs in baseball and 3-point shots in basketball too.  Not everyone does.  I watched long-faces exiting Kenan on Saturday muttering obscenities centered around “get rid of whoever our defensive coordinator is and go hire Buddy Ryan”.  Buddy Ryan???  Beats Bud Foster I suppose.
 
Mel Kiper wannabees are bemoaning “we have great talent but all Fedora cares about is offense”.   No, amateur Kipers, you’re wrong.  We DON’T have a bevy of “great talent” on defense and Larry Fedora cares about WINNING and, of course all that “mold men & build character” yadda yadda too.  Of Course!
 
Carolina Football has labored under 2+ years of “damage-control recruiting” due to a certain lingering unpleasantness.  While every coach claims each recruiting class is “exactly who we wanted from Day One” only Nick Saban would “pass a poly” on that one. 
 
Ergo for 2+ years the depth of incoming talent has been less deep than desired and the incoming “NFL can’t miss-types” much less too.  In case you have forgotten, “those types” bring with them “other issues” that can complicate a program….. oh yeah!
 
The current crop does have enough O-talent to delight the local aficionados to no end, especially the talent embodied in #26.  The talent on the “stop’em” unit is, alas, of a lesser level of magnitude.  Mother Fedora son Larry is quite aware of all this and “has a plan”….. which might include calling Dave Huxtable, but I doubt it.
 
PS: If you missed our Good Sports w/ guest Curry Kirkpatrick, your life is a little less complete than it could have been.  It was A GREAT SHOW!
 
More BobLee at www.BobLeeSays.com.

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