This is a parenting page, about parenting Page. I am a child psychologist and a mother. So I specialize in children, yet I am human, thus I am full of knowledge and yet as full of emotions as any other parent. So I decided to write this Parenting Page since it might be informative and funny for others to take an insider look at a child specialist raising her child. I also wanted to create a way to show Page when she grows up, if she chooses to have children, a real-life view of the experience. I hope you enjoy these stories and musings.

Recently I was at a business retreat where the question was raised about how we are teaching our children about money. I don’t think I have a good answer. As parents we all struggle with how to give children an appreciation for money. “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” my parents used to tell me. “You have to work for what you get in life.” “Waste not, want not.” “Be thankful.” We have an entire holiday focused on being thankful!

I noticed early on that Peter and I philosophically approached teaching thanks differently. My approach was to say no to things Page asked for more often than not, the reasoning being that she already has everything she needs and these are just wants, so it makes getting what you want more exciting and special when it happens sporadically versus regularly. Peter’s approach was to give her what she wants most often, his thought being that if the request is within reason, why not give her what she asks for? And in the spirit of full disclosure, I did revert to giving her things she asked for when I was too tired to say no; actual parenting takes focus and energy!

I also learned early on that these differences created a stark contrast where Peter looked like he bought her lots of fun stuff and I did not. I always tell parents, “It’s not a competition” as to who is the “better” or “more fun” parent – “we all have our strengths and weaknesses.” But I was losing this popularity contest for sure! I remember for Page’s 6th birthday we took her to Disney World. Now, that’s a b-i-g gift! The trip didn’t fall exactly on her birthday, and when we got home she asked about her party and gifts. I explained we took her to Disney World, which was a far bigger gift than she usually received. I said we’d have cake on her birthday but no gift, since she already got her gift. So she went to her Daddy, and explained she wouldn’t have anything to open on her birthday, which would be a real downer on that actual day. Now in Peter’s defense, I will say Page has been a good negotiator since she could form sentences. She doesn’t just beg and whine, she pleads her case with some logical thoughts… such as even though she very much loved her trip to Disney, her actual birthday would feel odd with nothing to unwrap. He agreed, and bought her a CD! It took me years to be able to see that perspective as valid, though I may go to my grave thinking I was “right” and she shouldn’t have received another gift to unwrap at age six after a trip to Disney!

I was worried she would end up “spoiled” – a term I dislike but which was in vogue when I was a kid. Instead I talked to Page often about being appreciative. Once when she was in early elementary school and acting especially entitled, she got sent to her room for being decidedly unappreciative, and returned with this poem:

Apreshitive

Hi, my name is Page
I love what you give
And that is…
APRESHITIVE!!

             U

The two dots of the exclamation points were the eyes of a smiley face. So cute.

As time passed, I decided that exactly how often and how much we give Page is probably less important in her learning to be thankful than how we role model our own thankfulness day to day. I don’t think she would say Peter or I feel entitled to hardly anything. We have plenty of bad traits, I’m sure! But entitlement just isn’t one of them. She hears us talk about being appreciative a lot… of all we have, of our jobs, our colleagues, our families, our friends, etc. And one thing I appreciate about Page is that she turned into a great gift giver! I guess she gets that from her father.