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By Aaron Keck

We Get All Kinds

By Aaron Keck Posted November 26, 2013 at 1:51 am

Last week I wrote about a disturbing trend in modern journalism: cuts in newsroom staff have made it increasingly impossible for news departments to conduct investigative reporting or send reporters out to cover events firsthand. What this means, among other things, is that we have to rely on what we’re told.

But there’s still some skill involved, even there. For instance: at WCHL we get literally dozens of press releases a day, from a wide variety of organizations both local and national, telling us about this or that incredible event or stunning development and insisting it’s important enough to merit our attention and our coverage.

Among our other responsibilities, it’s our job to sift through that stack and identify what’s actually worthwhile—to separate the wheat from the chaff.

And we get some fascinating chaff.

Here are my favorites.

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MICHAEL LOHAN ON THE TRUTH ABOUT TABLOIDS

Guest Opportunity: Michael Lohan, Hollywood Celebrity and Recovery Expert and Spokesperson for AIR ( Aid In Recovery).

It has been reported that “Michael Lohan says Lindsay Lohan’s friends shouldn’t drink alcohol when in her presence.”
Also in the tabloid news is that he and ex-wife Dina are banned from daughter Lindsay Lohan’s reality show with Oprah Winfrey’s OWN network.
How much truth is there to these stories? Michael Lohan will discuss this and more.

Michael Lohan can discuss this by answering the following questions:
•    Are Lindsay and her reality show being “monitored closely by an intimidating Oprah” as reported by TMZ? Have you and Dina been “banned” from the show?
•    Are you concerned about Lindsay’s friends drinking in her presence and dragging her back down to that dangerous lifestyle?
•    Michael Lohan will discuss any other burning questions you might have and confirm or deny tabloid rumors.

Michael Lohan is available for interviews...

(I almost went ahead and booked this, just to see what Ron Stutts would do with it.)

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The Lubrizol Corporation
News Release

LUBRIZOL TAKES STEPS TOWARD EXCIPIENT-GRADE THERMOPLASTIC POLYURETHANE FOR DRUG DELIVERY SYSTEMS

GMP implementation is underway at Lubrizol Advanced Materials’ Wilmington, MA plant…

(Well, it’s about frigging time, Lubrizol. We’ve been asking for excipient-grade thermoplastic polyurethane for YEARS now.)

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ORAL CARE HEALTH EXPERT SAYS MILEY CYRUS SHOULD KEEP HER TONGUE IN HER MOUTH

Says the Color Indicates Singer Has A Serious Case of Halitosis

Singer Miley Cyrus is drawing lots of attention for her provocative performance on Sunday night’s MTV Video Music Awards, which included lots of twerking and tongue action.

“I can’t comment on the dance moves, but after viewing stills of Miley’s tongue, I would certainly advise her to keep it indoors,” says dentist and national oral health care expert Dr. Harold Katz, (www.therabreath.com.)

“One of the best ways to diagnose bad breath is by the color of the tongue and, judging from the photos, Miley’s breath is a FAIL.”

Discussion Questions
• What do you see that indicates Miley Cyrus has bad breath?
• Is there anything she can do about that?
• Are there other colors or signs you look for on the tongue that help you determine the source of bad breath?
• What do you recommend for those people?
• Besides checking tongue color, what’s the best way for a person to determine whether he or she has bad breath?
• For fresh breath in general, what do you advise?

Dr. Harold Katz is available for interview so please let me know if you would be interested in speaking with him…

(Yep, we actually received this press release.)

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (2/28/13) : PLAYBOY TV CROWNS ‘MAN OF MEN’

(Los Angeles, CA) On February 2, 2013 Michael Ian Vargo won Playboy TV’s newest reality show “The Man” Tournament of Champions Finale! A Playboy TV provocative reality dating show: The Man, where self-proclaimed “Casanovas” who are convinced they are God’s gift to even the most insatiable women, are put to the real test to prove that they, indeed, should be crowned, ‘The Man.’ The show consist of three rounds: An introduction kiss, stimulating game, and spending alone time in the bedroom with two gorgeous female judges. After the intimate and final round in the bedroom “the close”, the judges would discuss and crown ‘The Man’ for that episode. It gets exciting when Playboy TV had ‘The Man of Men’ Tournament of Champions’ finale where one winner from each episode went head-to-head and was crowned ‘The Man of Men.’

Vargo used charm, patience, and persistence to win ‘The Man’ Finale being the very first man to be given two trophies that look like Iron Man. His newest project that just released is a Harlem Shake with the Centennial Hills Senior Citizens. Now in the works is a reality show based off of the storage units and pawn shops, but on a grander scale. Vargo is looking to endorse the proper company that he can help take to a new level.

For Interview with ‘The Man’ contact…

(I almost set up an interview with “The Man,” but for some reason I felt inadequate.)

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BELOVED GRANDMOTHER WRITES RACY ROMANCES

Gives New Meaning to “Fifty Shades of Grey”

Desiree Holt, 76, could be the world’s most sex-crazed senior citizen. An award-winning author, Holt writes erotic romance, which combines the conventions of traditional romance writing with more frequent sex scenes and common vernacular in place of outdated euphemisms. Holt has more than 130 titles under her belt and is known fondly as the “porn queen of Texas hill country.”

In an unforgettable interview, Holt can discuss…

(We might have booked her, but we couldn’t decide if it was a better fit for Who’s Talking or the Good Sports.)

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(And perhaps my personal favorite…)

SATAN ANNOUNCES START OF REVERSIBLE SMOKING JACKET SEASON

Happy hour has officially gone to hell! Prepare for tales of fall fashion, lakes of fragrant aftershave, vodka riots, and Betabrand.com.

HADES UPON STYX, October 4 — Moments ago, Mighty Satan blew smoke rings from all the world’s volcanoes to herald the start of Reversible Smoking Jacket Season!  Yes, delighted demons throughout the Nine Circles of Hell are puffing brimstone stogies and tossing back tequila-lava shooters to celebrate the first crisp days of autumn.

Here’s why: After many anxious months, gentlemen can once again comfortably don their incredible chameleon coats from Betabrand.com — and turn innocent happy hours and ho-hum social gatherings into decadent dances of unmitigated debauchery!

(Unlike the rest, this one actually was tongue-in-cheek. [Not Miley’s tongue, fortunately.] Betabrand is a SF-based company that sends us wacky press releases every so often; they’ve also offered something called “FAUXFU,” which is tofu made out of meat.)

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…So, yes, we get all kinds.

And we get some good local ones too. A few weeks ago, just before November, I got an email from a local guy, Dan Pelletier, asking if we’d be interested in helping him conduct a social media experiment: what would happen if someone turned his birthday into a big month-long Facebook promotion, complete with local media coverage and everything?

Well, THAT’s something I can do.

Everyone, visit Dan’s Facebook page and wish him a happy birthday before the month is out! You only have a few more days.

If you don’t, I’ll get on the phone and book that Miley Cyrus guy.

 

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